


The God in the Cornfield

by lemondropss



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Corn - Freeform, Existential Crisis, If you want - Freeform, Kind of Self Insert, M/M, Terreville High, but not in a stupid way, cornfields, crackfic, extra epilogue, however, i promise you that, more like a, not going to lie, some way crazy things happen, stop reading tags, this particular author has seen a lot of corn in her day, you should read it now, you’re wasting time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:00:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22879117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemondropss/pseuds/lemondropss
Summary: Crowley and Aziraphale graduated Junior year of High School, and are enjoying their last summer before the summer before High School. However, when the Them come to inform them of the disturbing parallels between a book and their very own lives, they start to question whether anything is really real at all.
Relationships: Crowley/Aziraphale
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	The God in the Cornfield

**Author's Note:**

  * For [notjodieyet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/notjodieyet/gifts).



It was summer, a time of youth, warmth, and freedom. Well, Crowley assumed it was. His aptitude for English was far lower than his boyfriend, Aziraphale’s. He would know.

Crowley and Aziraphale were laying under a tree together, gazing through the leaves and branches at the blue sky. Their fingers were interlocked, the grass prickling at their skin.

“This is our last summer before college,” Crowley noted, his eyes raising in consideration. Aziraphale nodded grimly.

“It is.” He sighed. “We’ll just have to make the best of it, yes?” Aziraphale squeezed Crowley’s hand and turned his head to look at him. They smiled at each other and Crowley nodded.

The park was fairly busy this time of day. A group of guys dressed in hoodies and t-shirts were huddled around a picnic table playing what looked like dungeons and dragons. Several little kids were running around while their parents watched and chatted in the back.

Four teenagers were seated in a small circle under a tree. They were whispering, and occasionally flitting their eyes to the tree next to them. Crowley and Aziraphale’s tree. Crowley felt their gazes, somehow, and gave up ignoring them to shoot a wicked glance at them.

“What do you want?” Four faces exchanged anxious glances. Finally, one of the boys stood to confront Crowley, who was still laying on the grass. The other two boys and a girl followed. Their leader, it seemed, had messy brown hair and a blue jacket. His t-shirt underneath was stripped. One boy had a grey hoodie, and the boy next to him was in a polo shirt and khakis. The girl had dark skin, a denim jacket, and red boots. An odd bunch, Crowley thought.

“Um, hey. We’re not sure if you remember us from last year. We saw you in the courtyard once… um, I’m Adam, this is Brian, Wensleydale, Pepper...” Adam pointed to the others in order. “We were kinda debating life a minute ago--”

“As we often do,” Brian put in. Pepper glared daggers at him.

“Yeah, so like, I was reading this book last week,” Adam continued. “and at first I was like, ‘wow this is a really good book.’ And then I got to, like, the middle and then I was kinda like ‘uh this is kinda funky.’ And it just got weirder as it went on and--”

Crowley was visibly confused, so the boy called Wensleydale cut in. “What Adam means is, he was reading this book. And he noticed it was really similar to, you know,” Wensleydale spread his arms out to indicate all this.

“Was this book called Good Omens?” Aziraphale asked. He propped himself up and sat straight, to view the others better. Crowley sighed and did the same.

The Them exchanged glances. “How did you know?” Pepper asked. Aziraphale shrugged.

“We read it once before.”

“Oh.”

“Pretty strange, huh?” Crowley said with a smile. “Thanks for telling us.” He waved a hand to tell the Them to go back to their own place in the park and kindly leave he and Aziraphale alone.

“No, wait!” Adam said. Crowley sighed. “No, you see, there’s more. Brian?” Brian stepped to the front and began his speech.

“I was scrolling Tumblr the other day,” he began, saying it like it was an accomplishment. “And I found this really interesting post. It was like ‘what if we’re all part of some High School AU of a really cool book.’ and then like, the other comment said ‘well I don’t get laid nearly enough for it--’”

“Brian,” said Pepper.

“Sorry. Anyway, I was like haha yeah that would be cool. But what kind of book would that even be? My friends are cool but we aren’t really book material, you know? And besides, the book probably doesn’t even exist in this world. Books don’t exist in book worlds, right?” A murmur of agreement from the Them.

“But then he told me about it,” continued Adam. “And then I told him about this book. We were all in it. You guys, us, I think a couple other people, I looked in the yearbook.”

“So what your saying is,” Crowley said, giving a questioning look. “We’re in a fanfiction?”

The Them nodded grimly. “We thought you should know; everything you’re saying, everything you’re thinking. It might not even be you.”

“But how would we find out if we really were?” Aziraphale asked. “Could we contact the authors somehow?”

Wenslydale gave this some thought. “I suppose… but only if they wanted you to.”

“Oh. Well, can I ask, then?”

“Sure, but it’s the Author making you ask. So you’ll only ask if they want you to.” Crowley’s mind reeled. This was crazy. It couldn’t be true.

“I’m going to ask to meet them. And if I don’t, then we know we’re not in fanfiction and this is all just some crazy coincidence. Because the Author wouldn’t write me asking if they weren’t going to comply, right?”

“Sure,” said Pepper. “But nobody likes self-insert fanfiction.” She narrowed her eyes, as if recalling a dark past. “Nobody.”

“Welp.”

“But you could try,” Adam shrugged. Crowley nodded and looked around at the park. How would he go about doing this? Just… say hi? He looked at the sky, as if there were some god looking down at him, waiting.

“Hello?” Crowley called to the sky. In an instant, the world changed. The soft grass beneath him turned hard and black. A road, he realized.

Aziraphale, where was he? Crowley quickly turned his head. A wave of relief washed over him when he saw Aziraphale standing next to him. Gazing at the rest of his surroundings, he found himself indeed, on a road, but a road in between two fields of what looked like corn. The sky was black and purple, the stars sprinkled in the twilight.

“Where are we?” Crowley asked. He shifted closer to Aziraphale, partly to protect him from whatever came, and partly so he could protect Crowley.

“A road in a field,” a voice said. Crowley screamed, though he would never admit it later. He peered into the darkness in front of him. A small light flickered in the distance. A candle, Crowley figured. “You see a lot of these, where I’m from.” The voice sounded low, and distant, pondering things beyond Crowley’s understanding.

“Are you -- God?” Crowley called to the dark. A light chuckle escaped unseen lips.

“You could say that.”

“Can we see you?” Aziraphale asked with hesitation. He had a firm grip on Crowley’s arm.

“If you wish.” A figure began to walk towards the area Crowley and Azirapale were standing. A mysterious lighting was illuminating them, so the figure got clearer as it approached the two.

The figure was finally in view. They were human, and presumably of the female gender, though Crowley didn’t want to judge. Her hair was pulled to the side and tied with a band. She wore a white tunic that rippled as she walked, though Crowley didn’t feel any wind.

“So it seems you wanted to see me.”

“Um, yes, we did.” Aziraphale piped up. “So is it true? Are we actually in a High School AU for a book?”

The Author nodded.

“So every though I’ve ever had, every word I’ve spoken, that was all you?”

The Author laughed. “Not just me.”

Beside her, another figure shimmered into existence, summoned by means of document sharing.

“I’m dying,” the other Author said, laughing. The first smiled innocently. The second Author leaned to the first and whispered, “What do I say?”

The first Author started to explain, but alas, she was not quite sure either. For what would thoust say if the humans that started as simply ideas from your mere imagination?

“Start with hello,” the first Author prompted.

“No,” said the second, who shimmered away into the darkness. Leaving Crowley and Aziraphale dumbfounded and trying to find a way to escape.

“It won’t work,” the Author told them. “You can not escape.”

“How did you know we were planning that?” Crowley demanded, narrowing his eyes. The Author chuckled again.

“Well, I made you think it. And I made you ask. It all seems like your own free will, but alas, ‘tis not.” Crowley and Aziraphale stared again. “You see, reality… can be whatever I wish. You both go to school at Terreville because we wanted you to. You both fell in love because that is what I wanted. It’s quite simple.”

“So you really are God?” Aziraphale asked, holding tighter to Crowley’s arm.

“Yes. I have the power!” The Author’s voice boomed through the cornfields. A ray of light shone down on her. Dramatic music from the eighties boomed. A deep voice arose from the deepest parts of the cornfield.

“He-man,” it rumbled in a striking melody.

“So you see,” the Author continued as the spotlight dimmed. “I can do whatever I want.”

“But why?” The wind began to pick up. Crowley’s styled hair flew over his face, his jacket billowing in the wind. The Author’s feet rose of the ground, her boots a foot away from the road. “Why -- why do you do this?”

“Oh Crowley,” said the Author, terrifying him with her echoing voice. “I do it for them.” The Author turned to look at the face of the Reader. As if she was Jim from the Office, she smirked. The wind still violently whipped around her, lifting her higher above the cornfields. Crowley and Aziraphale were left on the road.

“I do it for you.” The Author spread her arms, fading, and appearing more ghost-like as time went on. “The Reader, hallucinating, as your eyes flit through the rows and rows of words.” The world darkened. The Author held the candle closer to her face, illuminating her features. No matter how hard the wind blew, the candle was never snuffed out.

“An escape from the stress of reality, if only for a moment. I bend these people’s actions to my will...” The Author directed a free hand and a glance to where Crowley and Aziraphale had once been. They were now running through the cornfield, hand in hand, trying for an escape. 

“For only the slightest bit of oxygen to escape your nose in a small laugh. For your heart you hurt and yearn for the people. And for you to be able to spend just a bit more time… with the characters you love.” The Author shrugged.

“Without you there is no purpose, Reader. My writing would only be a lonely document, gathering electronic dust in the depths of my google drive. So thank you. But now is time for me to stop this bending of proper fanfiction etiquette, though I do think my grammar was sufficient. Goodbye, Reader. And good luck you you.”

The Author transferred the candle she was holding to one hand. She bent her elbow, and sent the candle flying into the field. The cornfield set on fire instantly, and far faster than a candle should have been able to.

In the field, Crowley screamed as the flames engulfed him and Aziraphale. This was it, this was the end. Without a moment’s hesitation, he kissed Aziraphale on the lips, believing it was the last thing he would ever do.

The flames dissipated, leaving Crowley and Aziraphale back where they always had been. At the park, under the tree, the Them baffled in confusion. They had not seen the cornfield.

Aziraphale pulled away from Crowley and stared. “That was something else,” he noted. Crowley was speechless, and did not say a word.

“Welp!” Adam rose, hitting his thighs as he did so. “Great talking to you guys.” He gestured to his friends to run and they did so, retreating back to future existential discussions.

Crowley and Aziraphale leaned back against the tree, minds still reeling. In the distance, a figure in a white tunic appeared. She cupped her hands and blew something at the two. The something sparkled like golden glitter -- and she was gone again.

The two had something called free will, and, should they use it wisely, their lives would be changed for the better.

The Author no longer had power over them. They were free to think and speak as they wished, though before they had believed they already had that gift. So the Author would not control them again.

At least, until she needed to…

As the final sentence of the last chapter was typed, the Author smiled surely. For although this story was finished, there would always be a new document.


End file.
